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Balancing Head and Heart

Habits - Head or Heart

As said in my last post, I am creating a set of cards, divination cards like the Tarot but understandably different. So far I have thirty four painted with about thirty seven to go. As I write, draw, paint, re-write it is becoming clear how I will put coaching together with the cards or the cards with coaching. Cards work by divination, which is one word to explain that the client will select six cards, and that those cards will be selected not by chance but rather by divine guidance. There are no accidents or coincidences.

The best use of the cards is to select an “Area of Interest" that is significant and think upon it as one is drawing. On a score from one to ten, the “Area of Interest” could be a six or seven or eight. How does one score? Something that needs insight so you are able to sleep or stop crying would score a ten. Something that is bugging you but is easy to dismiss would be a one.

It’s a little premature to offer readings yet, but I am looking to try them out. This means if you want to try a Card Reading or let me try a reading with you, send me an email or make an appointment. Right now, it’s free.

Balancing Head and Heart

I wrote a little about this in a previous blog called “Daily Sharing.” Below is a draft of the text associated with this card. In a reading, I might further explain the concept and then ask questions about what one notices as one looks at the card or learns what it is about. For example, "What comes to mind?" "How might this idea relate to your Area of Interest?" "How may it have related? How does it relate? How might it relate as yoiu look into the future?” And so forth.

Habits - Head &/or Heart

The head is the mind; the heart is the soul. There is usually a propensity in any encounter to default to one or the other. Knowledge and perception live in the head, and these are not the same. A person totally in their mind is logical, reason-dependent, loves everything explained, is systematic, and to Others can feel perhaps a little cool in demeanor. They think, think, think, know things, and love algorithms. Ego may live in the head.

Love lives in the heart. A person totally in their heart is intuitive or tuned into one’s body, more emotive, caring, generous in compassion and care. They feel and appreciate things and love heuristics, which are assumptions that tend to simplify things in order to lead to desired outcomes. Desires and outcomes in the heart are most often not concrete or tangible.

Of course this is an oversimplification. What might be more useful is to consider the benefit of balancing the head and heart. 

Say one wants to deliver some news or information or make a request of someone. 

If one is totally in their head and communicates information, this may land on the recipient like a cold fish. Information is just information. As the recipient receives information as knowledge, or not, the knowing can be rejected, filed away with tons of other heady stuff, or welcomed to fill in gaps in mental inventory. If the Other has asked for the information it is likely received well. If the Other has not asked and is fed information, then they may feel belittled or disrespected.

If one is totally in their heart and communicates from that actual location in the body, this lands on the recipient like a warm quilt of beautiful shapes and colors. This may feel good, like it’s time to relax into safety and security. Warm and fuzzy won’t sail a ship, solve a problem, even cross the street. But dang, it feels good.

If one drops down from the head and rises up from the heart, one can express one’s Self from the balance point. That point is physically the throat but in truth it is a third state-of-being. What is born then may come out via the voice box — the place of free-will and self-expression — in a manner full of positive (heart) intent (mind) that is respectful and loving.

Therefore, that which is communicated from a point of balance between head and heart will likely be received well, then fully realized in the Other. The manner in which the message is delivered is experiential in nature; that is, it is delivered in a way that involves or relates to the Other's experience — full of personal sensation and state-of-being driven. It has a better chance of touching the Other’s a mind and soul and making a deeper impact. The chances for an aha moment increase. The moment of sharing and connection holds potential for intersubjective experience and cooperation and co-evolution.

So far all talk has been of communication. What if one lived each moment in a head-heart balance? How might that change things?

Rejection or Betrayal

190816R Betrayal - Rejct

I am creating a set of cards, divination cards like the Tarot but understandably different. So far I have over seventy cards. I’m not sure how I will use the cards associated with coaching, yet I’m proceeding with them, being led by my Guides and more. I am also watercoloring an image for each card. I painted and drew the above image for the card "Emotions — Rejection or Betrayal." When I finished it, I realized I messed up. The longer dimension should have been the vertical one, not the horizontal one. I will have to re-do it, which is just as well as more content has come to me. Below then is the card’s text. I would appreciate any feedback on readability, understandability, imagery, usefulness, and whatever comes to mind. Typos, too. 

Footnote. Why would I talk about negative emotions when as a coach I usually emphasize aspirations, visions, and positivity? Information endows power. Understanding creates choice. While the reader may recall times in their life when they felt rejected or betrayed, they are likely doing so dissociated and in a learning mode, which is often a position of great usefulness, full of resources.

Emotions — Rejection or Betrayal

What might be the difference between rejection and betrayal? Both elicit a painful sensation in the heart and gut. 

Rejection is when someone pushes one away from them or walks away from one, usually under the auspices of judgment. Rejection can be neutral; as in, perhaps one has submitted a short story to a literary magazine and receives a rejection notice, saying that the work is not a fit for their publication. While this may be a benign matter of matching a literary style or not, often any kind of rejection is felt in a negative way. It takes a mindful person to assure one’s self that the rejection is not a reflection of a personal quality but rather of fit or non-fit to an external set of standards or style.

More emotionally negative rejection comes in the form of what seems to be personal rejection; as in, one may take a fancy to another and the other cannot share the attraction or return the admiration. Again, this is a matter of fit or preference or chemistry or compatibility. This rejection may too often and easily be felt personally. What might be important to know about rejection, as with shame, is that the implied judgment is a matter of external standards, a predetermined style, a set of guidelines, established or newly discovered tastes and preferences. In the end, it is about the Other or Observer and not about any deficiency, shortcoming, or defect of the one receiving the rejection. 

Loyalty is a mutual agreement to subscribe to a set of mores, behaviors, ideology. Betrayal is when someone who was thought to be loyal isn’t, or it’s when someone changes their way of thinking or being without first making their new freedom and liberties known. If one changes their loyalty one can preface the new state of freedom by communicating it in order to allow the breaking of the agreement to land more softly. Of course, when one loyal patron takes liberties with thought or actions, the agreement is broken. One may be labeled a ‘betrayer’ and support may be instantly withdrawn, often with heart closed for the sake of Self protection. 

When allegiance no longer aligns or reigns for one or more former loyalists, in whatever form, this again may cause a negative internal sensation in the one or ones ‘betrayed.’ Remember, freedom, change, and choice happens.

Now one could look first to one’s self and ask if one perceived a loyalty that didn’t exist or if one misread loyalty where perhaps there was rather an unhealthy codependence or one assumed loyalty, not so mutual after all. Assume can also be spelled ass - u - me; as in, my assumption has made an ass of you or me. Or one could simply accept that things changed for the Other and that the Other either didn’t inform one or did not inform one in a more timely manner or with grace. In either case, betrayal is usually not an action taken mindfully, with an intent to cause harm, or without resulting in an unfortunate identification with being a betrayer. If one does betray maliciously, then the betrayer is likely some sort of sociopath who cannot feel compassion or remorse. If this is the case, one is lucky to have escaped without further harm.

In terms of energy, most often rejection is Other stopping one or pushing one away and betrayal is one pushing Other away or Other leaving one. But really a strong ebb and flow of separation goes in many directions, like when opposing ends of magnets engage.

Gratitude and Joy

These days I am into receiving information from the subtlest of places. This might include listening to what a person is not saying, rather than what they are saying. It might include really studying a drawing or painting, immersing myself in it long enough to receive insight from it. It might be ‘imagining’ a shield around me when I’m in the presence of something or someone that gives me a not-so-pleasant feeling. 

person in bubble

It might be going toward that feeling I’ve labeled bad to really feel it and find out what's inside it. It might be listening to what I again ‘imagine’ the birds are saying to each other in their birdsong. I’ve decided robins are dramatic, as often they have an urgency in their calls when really everything is calm as far as I can tell. I hear music or chants in the sound of running water. I hear repeated, whispered phrases like “chuck that log, check that log, chuck that log” when an old printer is printing a lot. I capture and inquire into an unexpected image that comes to mind. Likewise, I try to remember my dreams and give some thought as to what they were really about, on a deeper level. I recall words to any songs I hear in my mind, and they are always right-on to what I need to acknowledge. I make up a good reason why a driver might pull out in front of me, and some that I’ve come up with are funny and well beyond someone’s having a baby.

Speaking of driving, one day this week I arrived home full of anger. Dumb drivers, in a hurry or lost. Gawkers. Speedsters. Pedestrians staring down at their phones in the crosswalks with no intention of crossing, not realizing cars were stopped, waiting for them to walk — pedestrians have the rightaway here. Once home I was seething and vowing to save up all my errands and stay home as much as possible. You see, it’s tourist season where I live. My little town quadruples in population. Many visitors come from places of a faster pace with way more people, so they feel a certain need to elbow their way around. I guess. So, I asked myself, “Why today? Why are you so blooming ticked off today?” My exact words were much harsher.

The answer I heard was You haven’t started your day out properly for about four days now. The voice was right. Thanks to a couple of fellow coaches, one in New York City and the other in Alberta, Canada, I had developed a morning practice whereby every day with my morning cup of tea or coffee I journaled.

 — 1, 2, 3 things for which I felt pure gratitude,
 — A few statements that began, “Joy is ….” (I added more joy-statements throughout the day.)
 — Something that if in place would make my day even better.


Of late, I have been learning how to read tarot, oracle, and angel cards. This has been fun and captivating. In my mornings I've been drawing and studying cards for myself instead of the usual. So, I hadn’t been starting my day out with gratitude and joy. 

How long can a morning routine be? If I did everything I wanted to do to begin my day, I’d be working an evening shift. 

Proof is in the anger. I now have real evidence that beginning consciousness in a good place each day is truly beneficial. It’s more than a proper attitude; it is a focus on gratitude and joy. It is setting an intent to make the day better than a three-dimensionally okay day.

'Try it? If you did write a morning road map for yourself, what would it include? How could you make it even more your own, adjusting it as needed? Would you be willing and able to take it for a test drive for a while then neglect it for a few days? What would be your evidence, where the rubber meets the road, that it had an impact?

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Pardon the Interruption

I almost created a separate blog intended just for coaches but it felt un-transparent. Would it not benefit everyone to know on all levels how coaching works and why it is so impactful? Phew, I just saved myself a lot of work.

Why would a coach interrupt a client? Imagine a coaching session that is moving along. The coach is asking questions; the client is answering them. The client then feels a need to explain why they did this or that, why they feel this or that way, and the history of what happened to them. Basically, they begin going into the story along with the meaning they’ve given to each and every bit of it.

PtI Conv

As they go into their story, they fall off track for what they wanted. 

PtI Falling off track

It is here that the coach may interrupt the client, with or without an explanation (hope not), or with a new question. An example of a long-winded interruption is this.

"Pardon the interruption. With your permission, … part of my job as your coach is to keep you moving forward toward what you want, your vision. You’ve begun to stray into what you want to move away from. While an 'away-from' and a ‘toward’ are essential components of motivation, you likely are acquainted with what you don’t want, the away-from part. So unless there is a lesson yet to be learned in that, how could you instead tell me more about what you want? In what direction would you prefer to go to support yourself? And from now on, do I have your permission to keep you on track?"

Is this okay? How is this possible? It is quite possible and in fact more impactful to coach and be coached without content. Content free. No stories. No history. No explanation, no ego. Content-free coaching goes deeper, is more personal, avoids a vulnerability block, offers personal privacy if that is important, disallows judgment, and takes less time.

To continue here, here is a graphic of a coaching-session conversation, the pink line, as the client in red stages moves along. Above the line is his, her, or their want and vision. Below the line is their been-there, done-that, that which they do not want anymore, or some other benign former this or that. The client begins to go off track into their story, explanation, rationalization, description, or justification of their interpretation.

PtI T and Away no Int 2

And here is a graphic to show the interrupt.

PtI T and Away w Int

Is the timing understandable? The fall shall not be far. Now, what about the interrupt? The long, in-depth version is above. The next time the client falls off, the coach might use a condensed version.

"With your permission, part of my job as your coach is to keep you moving forward toward what you do want, your vision. You’ve begun to stray into what you want to move away from, that which you don’t want. So unless there is useful information in that, tell me more about what you want instead.”

The subsequent times, the coach might simply use the reminder version.

“So that seems to be what you don’t want. What might you want instead?” 

It may take repeated reminders to keep the client on track, moving forward in the direction they stated they wanted to go. Some clients are pretty hellbent on their story and persistence is required. After a convincing number of reminders, the client will eventually catch the wind of his, her, or their vision and be lifted up higher and higher. They might change course along the way, and that would be okay. 

PtI line to vision

One may know the rest of the story, the ending in which the vision magically and methodically manifests in their life. If one is spiritual, this phenomena or universal law needs no explanation. If one needs a heady explanation, then an old coat of mine and Solution-Focused Coaching may fit the need.

I have simply used the example of a coach-client conversation here to demonstrate this phenomenon. In truth, one can be one's own coach. One can catch him-, her-, their- self falling off track. Typically one’s story, the explanation, a justification, the assigned meaning has a familiar (repeating), vague (free fall), and slightly off feeling (going down) associated with it. The story usually erupts in one’s head and feels briefly brave as in counting coup but is not within the domain of one’s heart and one’s truth. If one really felt into what was going on, one might feel icky. Icky not a technical term but perhaps understoodable.

Fall not far off course; simply re-focusing on what one wants will negate drama, ego, victimhood or martyrdom. Focusing on the vision is a simple re-direct to a stratosphere that is more useful and positive in thought and feeling. Things will begin manifesting. Things may surprise one until one remembers, “Oh yeah, that’s on track to what I want.” Of course it is, on course.

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Journeying is the new meditation. Journeying is self-coaching. What follows is how and why.

The type of journeying I’m talking about, I am theorizing, is likely based in the shamanic journey. Shamans enter the spirit world and do so in an altered state of consciousness. They usually travel into the natural world and may go into the stars but mostly they go within or underground or keep their feet on the ground. They have knowledge of which plants and animals are sacred and medicinal and best suited for the sought after spiritual growth. Spiritual growth is like calling a jungle jaguar a kitty cat: The depths shamanism can reach and what is recovered or restored or born anew is quite profound.

Shamans use ritual, ceremony, natural compounds, drumming, movement and more for the altered state. Meditation is useful to access a quiet altered state for receiving downloads from Spirit. Or for being receptive to one’s intuition, if one is nascent in that department. Journeying is suited for creating, engaging both the conscious and subconscious minds.

Journeying is similar to meditation in that it diminishes the impression of the outer world and renders the mind more receptive to suggestion from within. The course in a journey is prefaced by a yearning, hopefully of positive intent, and leans toward manifestation. Most people find journeying enjoyable, productive in noticeable results, and easier than meditatively stilling the mind.

persons journeying

For most people it is easier to ascribe their feelings to the world around them than to concede that the conditions of the world reflect their inner world. The world cannot change for a person until they change their conception of the world. Journeying is the beginning of understanding such perception and conception, allowing one to step into choice and vision and experience the power therein. Changing the world is an inside job.

Journeying is just as it sounds, taking a journey in one’s mind, and is usually practiced to gather information from self or Source in order to create via the imagination. The conscious mind is occupied and not so much engaged, which is ideal. Because the conscious mind occupies itself with traveling and the terrain in the journey, the subconscious mind takes delight in its new freedom to be heard, to be acknowledged, and to be asked to guide and contribute. And contribute it does, to the benefit of self and Self. 

One can embrace one’s vision in sleep and in prayer if the know-how is there. Journeying takes simply doing it. The extent to which you journey is proportional to the extent of your imagination. In journeying one learns how to soften and yield to a wish, forcing it not. Often as a result of joining both conscious and subconscious minds, a person’s want manifests much to his or her amazement and delight without much effort on any level. Put another way, it is well known that having a clear vision — encapsulated in sight, sound, sensation — is half the journey to achieving it. The moment one steps into one’s worthy and ecological want or desire, the subconscious finds the means for its realization. Read any of Neville Goddard’s books and you will catch his explanation of and excitement for this. I recommend the Power of Awareness: Move from Desire to Wishes Fulfilled.

*   *   *

Maybe I will offer an explanation, yes, how to use journeying specifically. Like what kind of journeys to go on.

Journey to a place. … Journey to a sacred place and meet a creature or totem animal, a guide, a mentor, an Ascended Master. … A place to sit with them or a walk to take with them … and things that happen along that walk that are significant and hold great meaning. … And if you do sit with them, the love that encapsulates you … along with you get to ask any question you desire. And you will receive an answer.

You can journey underground in tunnels that look like the inside of your veins. … You can journey into outer space and find beings out there to have conversations with. ... You can find Ascended Masters, you can find visitors from other planets. … You can find many things in what seemingly is empty space, … you can find many platforms, stations, portals, all the energetic dynamics that are going on out there. ... You can travel into the great Hall of Records or the Akashic Records. … You can travel into past lives. … You can travel and visit with those who have crossed over, … those you are currently connected to, those who have gone before you, those who are yet to come.

The possibilities of where you journey and what happens to you along the way depend on what you believe. It may become apparent then that the only limitation you will encounter is your own limiting belief. What if you believed that in your mind anything is possible? Where would you go?

*   *   *

I think this is enough for one reading. Another time perhaps, you will want to pick this up again. Start below the quote here,  below where you will find how to set intent, enter a relaxed state, turn the mind from the objective world, and sense the reality of a subjective state. 

Kuthumi quote

A good thing to practice is this: enter your journey, come back to the present, take some succinct notes (one or two words), then re-enter your journey where you last left off. Repeat as desired. Ready to begin?

Let’s begin. You may read here, then journey and take notes. Or you may click here for a 9-minute 12-second audio with brief pauses for notetaking. You may stop and start it as needed. And for most impact take hardly any notes, a bookmark of one or two words after each question.

You may or may not close your eyes. Uncross your arms and legs and feel the chair and floor support you, as you become aware of your breath, relaxing more with each exhale. Letting that which no longer serves you slough off like grey ash to be used somewhere else as needed. How would it be to travel in your mind, go to a favorite place in the world or within it or beyond it that feels special to you. Or, how might you create a new space that fills your every comfort and need, where you feel most your self? You may enjoy your entire journey from this space or you can mentally move about and travel anywhere you wish.

How might you soften even more to allow something, anything to come into your awareness, a remembering of something you wanted recently? Something tangible, something obtainable or not, something intangible, a way of being. What was that desire? What wish of yours would you like to explore on this journey? You’re welcome to write it down now. Or simply keep it in mind. One or two words may capture it best.

Why do you want that? Why is that important to you?

If you already had what you just came up with or wrote, what does that do for you?

And if you had what you first wrote along with what you just wrote, completely in place, what might be even more important?

If everything you just wrote were in place, a part of you already, completely and utterly, then who would you be?

If you were to journey in your mind having set that intent to achieve your want so you have those qualities you wrote and become the person you noticed you became, would that worthwhile to you? (If anyone feels lost, confused, or out of place here simply pretend; that is, play along moving forward, perhaps setting your intent to be simply curious and have a good time.) State your intent to yourself by saying, "I want [fill in the blank with your want], only if it benefits me and others, directly or indirectly."

Back to your special, safe, and comfortable place or traveling in your mind into new landscapes, what could you add right now to your space to support you moving in the direction of your want? Go ahead and offer that to your self now.  How could you really settle into your place?

As you become aware of your breath and how each exhale offers you more and more relaxation you might find yourself looking back, where you have traveled from, not just today but over your lifetime, a lifetime of experiences and learnings. Life is all about learning, isn’t it? What might be one experience or learning that comes to mind that might help you now move things in the direction you want to go, with regard to your want? How could you apply that learning or refer to that experience where you are now?

Back to your place or on a path, a new curiosity might show up. What would be new for you? That is, what might be coming into your awareness, something you have never tried before? Something that just might be worth a try, with regard to your want.

What if someone were to join you for a moment or two? A person you deeply respect, perhaps a mentor or an iconic figure, real or fictional. What might they say to you that deeply contributes to you having or becoming what you want? Thank them for their sage advice. What are some questions you want to ask? What are some answers?

What if some time passes so that you are in the future now, far ahead, stepping into the future, a fitting time like weeks, months, or years, ... and you have already gotten what you wanted and become that person you desired to be. What would that be like for you? How would you know you had become or done all that? Suppose you could step into being that future-you, and you could turn around and look at yourself here, what might be some wise words of wisdom that future-you could share to support the you here and now?

If you took on those wise words now and implemented the wisdom, what other possibilities open up for you? What else opens up?

And when you achieved what you wanted or became how you wanted to be, who else is impacted? What are the benefits to them?

Specifically, what may you have contributed to those around you, the world?

And then, thinking back to the beginning of this particular journey you are on, how could you support or motivate yourself so that you move yourself even further along on this path?

How will you best capture your experience or take note here so that you can remember this when this journey comes to an end?

When you are ready and at your own pace, bow down to your self for making the journey, for your openness for begin truly present in the moment. Return to the here and now, to where you were before your journey began. How may you thank both your conscious mind and subconsious for partnering for your benefit?

It’s as simple as that. Enjoyable? Next time, you can go journeying elsewhere or continue this one

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Daily Sharing

I wish oh wish I knew where I got this. If I had to guess, it may have come from Karla McLaren. My file date of creation is 2008. But I’ve had it way before that because my daughter and I began using it when she was about eleven. And continued to use it as needed throughout her teens. It is a priceless tool for a relationship. Any relationship.

We used to sit at the kitchen table. Any spot in your home that is neutral, pleasing, and conducive to connecting is a good place to take turns sharing with each other. Sharing means you take turns answering for telling the other your response to each of the six. You could share all six things every day. You could share one a day for six days. You could sit and share once a month. You can do what you and the other work out and agree upon. Then notice the impact on your relationship.

Daily Sharing color
  1. Express an appreciation about your life, the other person, some thing, a place, an event, or anything good in your life. 
  2. Offer a bit of new information about something you’re feeling, something that happened to you, some new learning, something that you want to share.
  3. Talk about something that puzzles you, an issue you’re trying to understand, a quirky thing someone said to you, a not-quite-complete bit of knowing.
  4. Talk about something that’s bugging you or irritates you. First say what is working for you then make your valid complaint with a request* for change. Explain how you would like this particular thing to change. See below.
  5. Talk about your wishes, hopes and dreams or about anything you’d like to see happen to you or how you would like to be with regard to anything — school, work, family, friends, etc.  It can be a hope for today, for five years from now, or for all time.
  6. Ask a loved one:  “What do I do that lets you know I love you?”  Or “What to I do that lets you know I care about you?”



  1. Committed Speaker — Take the time to face the person, look them in the eye, giving them the fullness of your attention.
  2. Committed Listener — Be present and aware, not engaged in something else.
  3. Future Action — State the future action you desire as specifically as possible.
  4. Time Frame — Ask for a clear time frame, a specific day and time by which your request shall be met.
  5. Conditions of Satisfaction — Explicitly list all conditions in detail that will satisfy your request. If one doesn't state all conditions it would be easy to blame the other for not satisfying the request.
  6. Mood of the Request — Notice your emotional state during your request. Notice the emotional state of the listener. If either's emotional status does not seem like it will serve your request, consider asking what is behind the emotion. Or delay your request for another time.
  7. Context and Background — Inform the listener what else is going on or what else has happened in the past so they may have a broad and adequate understanding of the request.
  8. Sincerity — Match what you are saying with what you are thinking and feeling inside.

*   *   *

I am going to add a third part for consideration.

Person Circle and Heart

Draw a circle. Then beneath that draw a heart.  One is one's head; one is one's heart.  

Head is the location of logic, rationalization, justification, explanation, direction, strategies, concrete plans and action. If you express yourself while you are totally in your head, the chances of doing harm are significant. Why? There is no compassion, forgiveness, or empathy in the head. And oh yeah, Ego lives in the head.

Person Head Heart BlueLine

Heart contains cells receptive to emoting and emotion and is surrounded by an ultra-sensitive electromagnetic field. Heart is the location of physiologic coherence, congruence sensing, authenticity, compassion, deep knowing, and intuition. If you express yourself while you are totally in your heart, you have no boundaries and no sense of self. While Spiritually being pure Love might be a worthy way of being, on the Earth plane it might not serve you 100% of the time.

Draw a line between the circle and heart. Then draw an arrow outward. 

The space between one’s head and heart is the place of pure potentiality and omnipotence. One might choose to balance the head and heart. What is born then comes out via the throat, the voice box — the place of free-will and self-expression, full of positive intent.

Anything communicated from a place of balance between head and heart will likely be received well. And if not, then you are accountable for your part only. So, check your balance and be open to simply planting seeds. For now.

Person In Heart

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Neurologic Levels

In the mid fifties, Gregory Bateson, anthropologist - social scientist - linguist and much more, developed the idea that natural hierarchies occur in our processes of thinking, learning and communication. In the late 80s, Robert B. Dilts, author and Neurolinguistic Programming (NLP) Master and Master Trainer, applied Bateson's concepts to the development of what he termed 'Neuro-Logical Levels’.

The NLP Neurologic Levels hierarchy consists of six levels, usually stacked in a pyramid. These levels are Spirituality, Identity, Beliefs and Values, Capabilities, Behaviors, and Environment. 

The following are some personal theories and graphics after playing with the levels and making some discoveries along the way.

Person Heart Pyramid

Here is the traditional pyramid. Here are some things to question. Why would Environment be the largest and bottom-most layer? This makes sense to a degree, as it is a foundation. But it is an earthly one. And why is the Vision level the smallest, albeit on top? The entire success of solution-focused coaching depends on the Vision level. It seems kinda insignificant up there.

The foremost thing to understand about this pyramid is alignment. If all levels align then all aspects and parts of a person are aligned as well. And the following quote by Saint Germain in Unveiled Mysteries by Godfré Ray King is absolutely true.

"When you thus use all the constructive processes — it is impossible for your plan — not — to come into your visible world."

‘Use all the constructive processes’ means you have clarity on all the levels, integrating them in a balanced way. Good to know, right? 

Pyramid Aligned w Arrow

*   *   *

Another important thing to know is this: Any level at which change or improvement is made causes an impact upon all the levels beneath it. This is represented by this pyramid with an arrow. For example, if a change or improvement is made at the level of one’s Vision, then all six levels are impacted. 

But a change at one level does not necessarily impact any levels above that level. Say a change is made at the Values level. Then only that and the Capabilities, Behavior, and Environment levels below it are congruently and consistently impacted. This pyramid with the smaller and lower arrow represents this.

Pyramid Aligned w Arrow Half

Let’s play with alignment. Here is a misaligned pyramid. Let’s say this pyramid represents a person whose vision is small and unfocused, whose identity is unclear, whose values and beliefs actually conflict with each other. They are probably inconsistent in ability and all over the place with regard to their behavior. Luckily, they live at home still and that’s about the only stable thing in his, her, or their life. Not much is happening for this person in this world that is noteworthy. This person might be represented by this misaligned pyramid. This Vision is light. When it falls it will make a small bump sound, if anyone notices. You get it with alignment, right? On to Being versus Doing. 

Pyramid Misaligned

*   *   *

Most of us have heard these words from the French philosopher, Pierre Teilhard de Chardin.

 “We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience.” 

This boils down to would you rather identify with your physical body or your eternal spirit? Do you want to wear a meat suit or embody being a powerful, energetic aspect of Something-Larger-Than-Life? That might be God, Spirit, Creator, Law of the One, Cause of Being, Love, or whatever you might want to call it. How does one connect with what might be larger than life? In other words, do you want to be a Human Doing or a Human Being?

A Human Doing lives mostly in the bottom three levels of a pyramid. This person functions by responding to these questions: What-to-do, How-to-do-it, Where-will-it-happen, and When-will-it-happen. This is the world of Outer Activity.

A Human Being lives mostly in the top three levels. This person functions by giving thought to these: Why-am-I-doing this, Who-will-I-become, Who-else-is-impacted, and With-Whom-or-What-will-I-connect. This is the world of Inner Power. 

Each person tends to find her, his, or their place of comfort in a doing-being balance. And a mindful person will practice awareness as to where he, she, or they are in any given moment in time.

If one believes we must have a pyramid, which might be debatable, what would it look like if the pyramid was flipped? Perhaps like this. 

Inverted Pyramid Aligned

The environment is kinda insignificant now; as in, “home is where you make it” or “if you can’t be with the one you love, love the one you’re with” or “you create your own reality.” And so on. 

And Vision is impressive. Have you ever noticed if you can’t see something in your mind’s eye it does not happen to or for you? You might experiment with that. It is useful to know if a future event will unfold for you. Or not.

Inverted Pyramid w Arrow

And what might this inverted, aligned pyramid be like when a change is made? A change in Vision leaves a wider arrow of impact to cover even more of the levels beneath it. Think about that: a changed Vision ripples into every area of life. 

A change in Values has more impact downward as shown in the half-arrow pyramid.

Inverted Pyramid w Arrow Half

Consider the below inverted pyramid, misaligned. Hmm. Not much more information is gained here from the misaligned pyramid from the way-above. It just seems like the fall in this one hurts more. Have you ever had your vision squashed? This pyramid might show how that feels. Like when Vision hits the ground, it might feel like an earthquake. And look what else it takes down with it.

Inverted Pyramid Misaligned w Person

One of the things an effective coach does is ask questions that cover all layers of these neurologic levels. Most positive changework occurs in the upper levels. 

Aligned pyramids, inverted and not, are contagious. This means not only can levels align within a person, but others are impacted by a person’s alignment. One may intuitively sense if a person’s pyramid is aligned; it feels good. And if a person’s pyramid is off-kilter or tumbling one might find one’s self wanting to help that person or distancing one’s self from that person. Unless they are a match for one, which is why or when discernment might be healthy.

Person with Timer

An Instant

How long is an instant? As long as an awareness. As long as it takes to think, “Oh.” Whether you are coach or client, instants or instances of self-awareness are invaluable. 

An instant is a time warp. How often do you experience time disappearing when struck with a thought? It can be quite otherworldly how fifteen seconds of internal journeying can expand into what seems like five minutes of wonder and delight.

Here are a few instants in hopes at least one is a new blip on your radar.

An instant of listening is the interval in which the mind is quiet and still enough to truly hear another person. Is what one hears related to their last utterance, or not? That could be a moot point, if one is truly in the moment. Each bit of conversation can fall away, as in a conversation between two totally zoned-out people. Connection, synchronicity, insight, humor arrive in intervals with lapses.

An instant of insight excites the heart and mind. A typical insight contains irony, connecting a couple of dots that missed each other prior. More often than not it shows up as a serendipity. Like, “Hey, this person is wanting more personal power, and I was just into that last week."

Person in Lounge Chair

An instant of self-awareness is different from an instant of insight. Self-awareness can be neutral or positive or negative, depending on the meaning one assigns to one's “Oh." Self-awareness implies a moment of dissociation. How useful is stepping outside one’s self to look back and observe that self? It is the purpose and duty of the outer activity of the intellect to guide all awareness into constructive channels. An example then might be looking at the clock and saying to one’s self, “Hm. I have twelve minutes left to finish this.” What might ensue then is a hatched plan based on internal strategies around time and finishing something. Rushing is not only uncomfortable but one typically goes on autopilot, losing connectivity and joy in the moment. In Heaven there is no urgency.

An instant of realization, otherwise known as an 'aha moment'. How might one allow oneself to luxuriate in that moment? Think opulence. How can one realize all the possibilities that might then open up? How fitting would it then be to say something like, “Hold on. I will move on when I’m clear on this.”

An instant of nothing. Nothing usually shows up during a transition, after an ending and before the next beginning. In nothing, one can usually sense they’ve made an internal decision that brought fit and closure to something in one's mind. Things have settled neatly into one's doing and being. Might a pat on one’s back be in order? Allowing instances of nothing to exist for a few seconds will allow a corollary question, such as, “Okay, then. Where would I like to go now?”

Person in Transition

An instant of self-care is of utmost importance. The more moments and hours of self-care the better. This comes easy for some, hard for others. A person who takes care of him or her self may be construed as selfish; however, one comes to realize that the only way to be, the only way to show up in this world, is whole. And wholesome, which promotes more wholesomeness around one.

An instant of incongruence is when a person says one thing that means something else on a different level. Incongruence is a form of lying. Incongruence may be detected when one is artfully listening and feeling in. If one is on conversation autopilot, one may never feel the lie. When one catches incongruence, one might check in with the other person with “How much do you truly embrace what you just said?”

An instant of metaphysical connection with another person or creature is when one’s delight in another's essence and positive light is expanded suddenly and clearly. And their light allows one’s own light to shine and reflect, too.

An instant of This-Is-How-I-Love-To-Be is when one connects with one’s inner purity, strength, and attainment. One’s long and steady quest for truth and happiness is suddenly found and no other human can take it, because one’s truth is stranger than fiction and stronger than the world.

An instant of a knowing is connecting with an eternal, universal truth. One cannot put words to the knowing; best not try. Unconscious rumination over three nights of sleep usually fixes the knowing into place on every level of being. Here is an instant of something sounding tongue and cheek. What will one do with a tongue-and-cheeky instant?

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Tiniest of Behaviors

Nuances are subtle behaviors and communications that are full of meaning. We constantly communicate via nuances and unconsciously give and receive their inherent meanings. They usually show up as the tiniest of behaviors, so tiny they are unnoticeable. But their impact is conversely quite huge. They are indicative of people’s beliefs, how they view the world, how they regard themselves, and how they regard others. Including you. 

It is easier to read other’s nuances than our own. If you are self-aware you might observe your own nuances and what they might reveal about you.

Below is a quote from an email sent out by Linda Kohanov of EponaQuest Worldwide ("Speaking without Words: Harnessing the Invisible — The Practical Magic of Sentient Communication” dated Jan 06, 2019 3:25 pm Copyright 2019 by Linda Kohanov).  

"When the space shuttle Challenger exploded in 1984, NASA determined that a low-tech piece of rubber known as an “O ring” was the root cause. Similarly, in human interactions, our tendency to overlook the little things—all those seemingly inconsequential nonverbal cues, inconvenient feelings and unconscious reactions—lead to unexpected eruptions at work, home, school, and in larger social contexts.” 

Sometimes “inconsequential nonverbal cues” along with verbal clues lead to closer connection and moments of appreciation.

Here are some examples of nuances, along with things to ponder should you catch one.

“Um.” A person simply says “um,” which means they are about to say something and would like your attention.
  — Were they more directly engaged with you, would they need to get your attention?
  — How many other ways do they get their wants and needs met?
  — Possible response: “I hear you saying ‘um.' How could you be more open and specifically ask for my attention?"
  — Your (re)action or response: “______________________________________________________________________"

Persons Um

A person looks at you with a benign smile and arms open, palms up.
  — How are you receiving their open-hearted love?
  — How might you take a moment and send appreciation back to him or her?
  — Possible response: Simply mirror the behavior. Or, “If I feel you right, I feel the same toward you.”
  — Your (re)action or response: “______________________________________________________________________"

 Standing in the kitchen coffee cup in hand, your partner or family member softly grunts like an infant reaching for an out-of-reach binkie.
  — How honestly and openly does that person ask for something they need or want?
  — Possible response: “Is that your way of asking for help? Might you be more specific and direct?”
  — Your (re)action or response: “______________________________________________________________________"

In talking with someone, all their sentences and questions begin with the word And.
  — How connected and comfortable do you feel with that person?
  — What might be their reason for that, conscious or not?
  — Possible response: “And I notice all your sentences begin with And. How aware of that are you?"
  — Your (re)action or response: “______________________________________________________________________"

After saying good-bye or expressing your own need to someone, they continuing talking to you after you’ve begun taking leave or attending to yourself.
  — How respectful is that person of your needs? Or wants. How tuned in are they with others?
  — Possible response: “I will catch you next time [or in a minute] on that."
  — Your (re)action or response: “______________________________________________________________________"

You are with or around someone, interacting or not, and they in-a-good-way authentically sigh.
  — How does that impact you and your internal state? 
  — Possible response: Simply mirror the behavior and notice its impact. Experiment with this one by being the first to sigh.
  — Your (re)action or response: “______________________________________________________________________"

Person Sigh

Talking with someone on the phone and a certain sigh or “Well” of theirs indicates they are finished talking for now.
  — Have you been dismissed? How cleanly does that other communicate? Have you ever felt powerless in their presence?
  — Possible response: “By the tone of your voice, I sense we might be finished here. Is that what you intend?"
  — Your (re)action or response: “______________________________________________________________________"

Persons Well

How observant are you of nuances? How might you spot them? Or how could you better listen for them? How can you be aware of them and discern their true meaning? How open are you to asking the person about their intention or real message?

What are some of your own nuances that you’ve observed? What do you think they mean? Do they cause disconnection or connection? How open are you to consider better options for communicating?

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On the eve of a new year I want to explore memories. My daughter used to take voice lessons when she was young, and one of her recital performances was “Memory” from the Cats musical. It just started playing in my head.

Why is it I remember certain events in my past and not others? How come I recall paramount memories; that is, it seems I remember mostly those that are wonderful and bring me pleasure and those that ‘haunt’ me? Where are my benign memories stored?

First, my hero Milton H. Erickson in a lecture On Hypnosis in Psychiatry in 1957 said the following.

“I like to regard my patients [as] having a conscious mind and an unconscious or subconscious mind, and I expect the two to be together in the same person. And I expect both of them to be in the office with me. I also expect when I’m talking to a person at the conscious level I expect him [or her] to be listening to me at the unconscious level as well as consciously.”

Then, let me use the word subconscious for those activities of our mind and soul that are not in our awareness. This for me is different from being unconscious, which might be a medical term for knocked or passed out. Conscious thoughts are in our awareness or could be should we decide to be mindful and put our attention to them.

My theory on memories is reflected in answers to the above questions.

Why is it I remember certain events in my past and not others? Think remarkable, outstanding, what you deem out of the ordinary. Like the tip of the iceberg, kind of thing. The part of the iceberg poking out of the water is the remarkable and recallable part. The water line is some personal threshold connected to emotion, thought, and well-being. The part of the iceberg beneath the water is the entire event, everything surrounding it, the place, people, actions. The important part of the iceberg underwater is it is know-all, see-all, hear-all – the all-encompassing Truth — of the situation. That also describes our subconscious.

Sometimes the exposed part of the iceberg or the remembered memory is wonderful, blissful, warm, fuzzy, joyful and peaceful. Rad, sick, dope, way cool. 

Sometimes the exposed part of the iceberg memory is painful, regretful, guilt ridden or accusatory, and most important of all, unprocessed and unresolved. 

How come I recall paramount memories; that is, it seems I remember mostly those that are wonderful and bring me pleasure and those that ‘haunt’ me? Wonderful memories allow you to continue to feel the love, share the love, live in love. Hang out in them and spread the word.

Haunting or emotionally “negative" memories are messengers, your own subconscious knocking on your door. They may appear out of nowhere, when in fact they appear more like words in a game of association. Your subconscious is all about making everything in your being jive and hum in health and balance. It makes literal and figurative associations that boggle the conscious mind. Anything in present time has your subconscious making connections, looking for the slightest opportunity to deliver up helpful information, such as an unresolved life event a.k.a. memory.

A recurring memory who has gotten your attention at your front door needs attention. 

“How may I help you?” you might ask.
“Oh no, I am here to help you,” says your memory.
“How so?” you say.

From “Memory” you ‘must wait for the sunrise,’ you ‘must think of a new life’ and you ‘mustn't give in. When the dawn comes, tonight will be a memory too. And a new day will begin.

Here is how to think of that new life. How quickly can you consider and answer these questions?

  • What have you come to know now about yourself and life that would have allowed you to make it through that event unscathed?
  • What do you now know about life and the human condition that would have allowed you to come through that event empowered?
  • Once you’ve given yourself that awareness, truth, and knowledge (as in, install it right now), how does that event play out differently?
  • What could you have done to prevent any harm to be done to you? And to others?
  • What resources could have been injected into the others involved so they could have made better decisions?
Memory knockin 3 doors

A memory will not stop knock, knock, knockin' at your door until you open it, welcome it, and allow it to serve you. After it helps you, it becomes benign. 

Where are my benign memories stored? I have a mental room called “That-Which-Is-No-Longer-Needed,” and life is good there for any who enter it. Benign memories go in the That-Which-Is-No-Longer-Needed room. I can go in there anytime I wish and walk around, revisiting friends, family, acquaintances, strangers, betrayers, murders, saviors. I thank each one for contributing to my brief but meaningful journey on Earth here. Each one was necessary; each one was a lesson of some sort; each one made me who I am. Who I AM.

The subconscious works in mysterious ways. Have you noticed that it delivers knowledge, meaning, and value not only via memories but also in music? Thank you, subconscious, for “Memory” and “Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door.” 

Lastly, less metaphysically and more practically, Richard Bandler is one of the founders of NeuroLinguistic Programming (NLP) and is still active in the world of change. Here is a demonstration of “Overcoming Bad Memories” that is quite revealing of his skill and demeanor. Sorry if you are offended by his humor.

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© Kris Kramer Coach 2020